Beneath a shining smile
by violadiaries
Summary: Isami Aldini is mostly seen with a gently smile on his face, but sometimes he just can't keep on smiling. [Unbeta'd ; also on AO3]


He entered the kitchen and his face fell. He wasn't able to smile any longer. The whole day his body had felt numb, his thoughts racing replaying every worst case scenario possible. Takumi hadn't noticed, hadn't seen through his poker face like he sometimes would. Isami didn't want to bother his older brother, didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, didn't want to worry him. It was clear that Takumi was the better cook, always the favorite, always number one. Isami couldn't reach that, couldn't live up to the expectation his family had for him. That is what was going through his head.

His eyes were burning, tears gathering in them. He had used an excuse; said he had forgotten something to get away from everyone. He didn't want to worry anyone, didn't want them to see. They had made friends and Isami was so very happy about that. He didn't want them to be disappointed in him as well. He leaned onto a table and looked at the clean surface. How long would it be until Takumi noticed he had lied. Would he scold him again? His brother had told him many times now to talk to their parents, their uncle or at least their nonna about it. He couldn't, he froze every time he tried.

Most of these days he felt alright, he felt good, confident. But then, sometimes he would break down. He would feel it approaching, would live through the day and then isolate himself. It was like he was going numb, but at the same time his head wouldn't stop conjuring the cruellest things. Whenever Takumi noticed, most of the time, he would try to help, would hold him, watch his favorite movies with him, even though he hated Isami's favorites and would stay at his side until the younger had calmed down. Isami didn't like that though. His brother had more important things to focus on than him. Takumi shouldn't worry so much about him.

Distantly he heard a door opening and closing but didn't pay it any attention. The tears that where falling onto the surface of the work desk were taking all his attention. His breathing getting harder. He blinked, tried to get rid of the tears. He couldn't fail them, he couldn't fail his family, but he would. He wasn't as good as Takumi. He wouldn't make it. What if he couldn't graduate from Totsuki. Takumi would go ahead even further and one day it would be impossible for him to reach his older brother anymore.

He had to calm down. Takumi would notice. No he wouldn't. The others, especially Yukihira would distract Takumi from him without even knowing. Maybe in an hour or two he would notice he still wasn't with him. Nobody would notice. He was always in the background, always the calm one. He was easily overlooked. He was nobody…

Isami heard noises. Someone was in the room with him. Did Takumi notice after all? His brother had gotten good at reading his feelings, had gotten really good at looking through his poker face. But he had almost messed up one of their dishes this day, due to his racing mind. It wouldn't be a surprise to Isami if his brother had picked up on his situation. He hadn't been fully himself the whole day, no matter how hard he tried to mask it. The brunette turned his head towards the door and stared in shock for a second. Not his brother stood there, but the one person that hadn't been there when he had left the others. Megumi was staring at Isami in panic, wanting to back away. She was shaking slightly. How long had she been standing there? Had he said something maybe? Had he said some of his thoughts out loud? He couldn't remember. Did she maybe think she was the cause of this? The boy looked away and wiped his tears away, willing himself to smile at the blue-haired girl.

"T-Tadokoro-san. What uh…what are you doing here. I uh…I" –

"Isami-kun what is wrong," she interrupted him.

Her eyes were concerned as she went closer to the brunette. Isami's smile wasn't the same as always, it was stiff, forced and she could see that. She was still shaking but nonetheless coming closer to him.

"Ah, nothing I uh just forgot something. Don't worry I'm alright," he lied.

Isami didn't like lying, at least not to the people that were close to him. He liked Megumi, liked her a lot so she was one of those people that he saw as close to him.

She shook her head, obviously not believing one word he said.

"I'm…I'm just exhausted, I should go home," he added.

A half-lie this time. It was true, he was exhausted, but numb would describe his state of mind better. He wouldn't be able to find piece for a while. He would think about a lot of things until Takumi would be home and would forcefully distract him from his own thoughts.

This time she seemed to believe him. He was shaking, he knew that much. She had to go away. He didn't want her to see him like this…weak…worthless…

"M-may I accompany you? I…you look really tired, I'm just…just a bit worried," she asked.

He wanted to decline, wanted to shake his head but felt that he had to grip onto the table in front of him to keep on standing. She would insist. As shy as the girl in front of him is, she would never let down one of her friends. And that was what he was to her, right? A friend…a friend at least. He saw how she would blush around her brother…knew she liked him. And again Takumi got everything…because he himself was not worth it. So he just nodded, forcing himself to breath.

The walk to the apartment complex seemed to go on like hours for Isami. Normally he would have ran there, would've shut himself in his room and tried to isolate himself for the rest of the day. But he couldn't worry Megumi like this. He had to calm himself. The shy girl seemed uncomfortable herself with the situation, so maybe he could still talk himself out of this.

"You don't have to come with me, really," he tried.

She seemed to be startled out of her thoughts and looked at the boy next to her. Granting him a shy smile she shook her head.

"No it's ok. It wouldn't feel right to leave you alone Isami-kun," she replied.

Isami had to smile at her honesty, her mindfulness. She didn't have to do this for him. He felt happy that she was with her and at the same time he felt his heart aching. She didn't like him that way. She like Takumi didn't she? She did this because it feels like the right thing to do, not because of him, right? She just said it. He felt happy for his brother, could never hate him and at the same time it broke him more and more. He could do whatever he wanted, it would never be enough for their parents for anyone. He would never make them proud would he?

Suddenly they were there and Isami opened the door.

"Th-thanks. See you tomorrow," he said, not looking at the girl.

"Isami-kun? You know I think uh…y-you maybe shouldn't be alone, a-and maybe I could make some tea, but only if I am not bothering you! "- Isami looked back to her fumbling with the hem of her skirt.

"-Please let me help you. I know you're not feeling well and I really want to help you feel better."

Her voice had gotten smaller as she had spoken on. Isami blushed slightly, his thoughts still racing. He wanted to be close to her, maybe this was his chance. But he couldn't bother her like this.

"I mean Takumi-kun isn't with you and I can get him if you are more comfortable with that," she started to ramble.

She didn't look at him and there was a slight blush on her checks that made her look even more adorable. Normally he would tease her, flirt lightly maybe. It hadn't been long ago that he had noticed how much he liked her. More than friends. He wanted to be more than friends. She was going on about how she would just call Takumi when he stopped her as she reached for her phone. He didn't want Takumi to know. His brother would storm home at once if she called him now.

He smiled, a bit more genuine this time but still forced.

"Let's not worry Nii-chan. I-if you insist I suppose you can come up with me. Just…I think it's a bit messy though."

She nodded and entered the building behind him. They took the elevator up in silence. Once they entered the flat Isami dropped his bag, feeling weaker all of the sudden. Megumi seemed to startle but put her bag down as well.

The next few hours Megumi made the tea and together they sat in the living room and watched movies. Isami had her choose the films, because he could guess that she wouldn't like his taste in movies. So they watched Disney movies and it really helped him a bit. He could feel himself calming down but getting tired at the same time. Megumi tried to talk a bit to him, but once she noticed he almost fell asleep, having troubles to keep himself awake, she bid him goodbye.

It was like Isami's thoughts were drained completely, his head empty and he liked it like that. After he had seen her out, he went to his room and let himself fall down on his bed. He didn't notice when Takumi came home, just noticed it as he sat down in the side of his bed, running his hand through Isami's hair.

"Are you alright? I was worried, but Tadokoro-san said she saw you and you were just tired," the blonde whispered.

Isami just nodded, smiling at his brother's touch.

"Yeah…just tired, fratello…"

A moment later Takumi was gone again, but not for long. The night the older one laid down with his brother and held him close, like he always would when he knew something was up. Isami was just content to have his brother near him, and having spend time with the girl liked so much.

-.-.-.-.-

"Tadokoro-san? Can I talk to you for a second, maybe?"

The next day Isami behaved like nothing had happened but knew he owed the girl an explanation. Megumi looked at the brunette confused then smiled softly at him. His smile was he usual one and he seemed completely ok again. Ryuko and Yuuki were with her and giggled slightly as Isami had approached her. She nodded and followed him a bit away from the two girls. That seemed to make them giggle even more, Megumi blushing in the process. He was a bit confused about that but didn't let it distract him. Once they were out of hearing range Isami turned around to Megumi bowing his head lightly.

"I wanted to apologize for yesterday. It was not ok to let you see me like this and I am sorry if I have bothered you. Sometimes…I just…I get like this. But obviously this is no excuse," he started.

Something in his mind got numb and Isami started to panic slightly. Not again, not two days in a row. It never happened again so close to the last one. He started to ramble and looked at the girl in front of him, seeing her gently smile at him making him go silent.

"It's ok Isami-kun. You didn't bother me, really. I am happy that I could help," she assured him.

The brunette's thoughts calmed down a bit. He was getting less nervous and smiled charmingly at the girl.

"Grazie," he said.

"What are you two doing here all alone, huh?"

Takumi came around a corner, smiling teasingly at his little brother. They had a silent agreement to not talk about those phases of Isami, so Takumi was also pretending nothing had happened. Megumi blushed brightly as Takumi approached them and Isami was thankful that he could turn his attention to his brother.

"Gossiping about you, obviously Nii-chan. In fact, I just told Tadokoro-san about that time, when we were eight, when you-, "– "Isami!!!"

Now it was Takumi who blushed as Isami started to laugh while Megumi looked at the brothers with a fond expression. His brother didn't have to know and he didn't plan to let Megumi see him like that anyway so this was fine. This was ok.

What Isami didn't notice, as he was teasing his brother. was that her eyes were on him the whole time while she blushed, happy to see him smile like that again.


End file.
